babysitting

Well today Dominick and I are babysitting his little niece and I'm pretty nervous because the last time she was over and I held her Dominick had a huge fit! So now I'm not sure how he will do with another little one around with just his mommy. This is a good practice for me now to see if Dominick will be ok with a little one around and I have a feeling he wont like it especially today he is being very clingy with me. Hopefully John's sister will be around to keep him busy.

For those of you who know I am going through a pretty tough time right now dealing with post pardum depression. I started seeing a therapist and taking medicine for it and it has been helping out. About a month ago I really didnt want much to do with Dom or John and just didnt really care about anything at all. I wasnt playing with Dom or enjoying him being at this fun exciting age that i should have been. I felt like Dom loved John more and had more of a bond with him and basically didnt need me or want me around. When he was awake i wasnt playing with him, I just sat him down with his toys and was more worried about what was on tv than what he was doing. Well, luckily we googled ppd (post pardum depression) and found that a had a lot of the symptoms and didnt even realize it. Now it wasnt as bad as it can get i wasnt thinking of harming anybody i just didnt want anything to do with the mother life. So i started seeing a therapist and she put me on meds and now all i wanna do is be around Dom and I am a lot more involved with him and his life. I feel like we are starting to have the mother/son bond that i have always heard about. The way he smiles at me now when i walk in the room is amazing. There are some days when he just wants me to lay or sit with him on the floor and he just sits next to me and plays, not really acknowledging that im there but i think just the fact that im there makes him feel more comfortable. We spend a lot of time just talking to eachother and enjoying the time that we are together now and I have never felt so better about my life and being a mother than i do now. Up until now i kind of felt like a babysitter and now i feel like a MOM. I look forward to being alone with Dominick and I never did before but this weekend we are going to have pretty much all weekend to ourselves except for saturday night when i work but Im really looking forward to it. I cant wait to watch football in our matching jerseys on sunday lol he lifts his arms up and we yell touchdown and than he claps his hands! However, on saturday we wont be alone we will have his little niece around who he doesnt really care for right now lol. So hopefully I can figure out how to share my time with both of them. Well i will let everyone know how today goes wish me luck!